My uncle was in town from New Bedford, which is always a good opportunity to get a free meal at a fancy restaurant.  So, he took me, my cousin/roommate, and an friend of his out to dinner at Cuchi Cuchi, co-owned by Fernanda da Silva, a old friend of his (and potential former flame???).*

If you’ve never been to Cuchi Cuchi, it is an experience to have, as the atmosphere is straight out of a silent film (though much noisier), and all the servers are dressed like courtesans of that era.  I would suggest that you make sure you get reservations.  My genius uncle just strolls into restaurants and assumes he’ll get a table, which he was rightly rebuffed by the hostess.  Admittedly, he knew the owner for years (possibly biblically), so he told the hostess that he’s an old friend of Fernanda’s. They were fairly accomodating, despite there being a one hour wait, and they initially sat us down at “Fernanda’s table” while we waited for our table to open up.  Eventually, we were seated (around 30-45 minutes) at a table in the back, which is definitely the less pleasant part of the restaurant.  The interesting 20’s style decor is all in the front, while a more proletariat style is in the back.

As soon as we got our table, I was instructed to order every vegetarian item off the menu (practically), as this was a small plates restaurant.  Cuchi Cuchi makes it a point to state that it is not a tapas restaurant, with the tone of “tapas is pretentious”.  In actuality, they say “tapas […] are from Spain… We globe trot!”. Nope, not pretentious at all.  Neither are the courtesan styled-waitresses, dress code of “casual elegance (pearls and jeans), or potato croquettes stuffed with rice, cheese and parsley skewered with an origami crane toothpick.  Ok, the potato croquettes were pretty delicious, but served with a red sauce that was somewhere between ketchup and pasta sauce and a white cheese sauce, they were somewhat decadent.

Since we were following the “small plates” theme, and my cousin ate half of croquettes, I continued on to the fried artichoke hearts filled with gorgonzola, pistachio and basil.  These were served over the white cheese sauce, and approximately at this point my gout kicked in.

At least I was able to get some vegetables with the grilled eggplant napoleon, thinly sliced layers of eggplant, tomato, and peppers, topped with herbed goat cheese.  This dish succeeded in making me feel like I was eating healthy and unhealthy at the same time.

Considering how decadent every other “small plate” at Cuchi Cuchi was, I was slightly underwhelmed by the mushroom risotto.  That is until the waitress asked how much truffle oil I wanted on the risotto.  That’s not a thing you ask!  From my experience, truffle oil is something best used in small doses to great potency.  As soon as she uncorked the bottle, I said “Stop”, which was still too late to prevent her from dropping a few tablespoons on top.  So much for risotto without excess.

After all of that, I wasn’t really feeling fit to eat dessert, but Fernanda finally came by and gave my uncle a warm, if slightly awkward embrace (has to be a former lover).**  The hug successfully enabled us to get a free dessert – the French banana bread extravaganza.  This is essentially fried bread, fried banana, and ice cream and whipped cream.  Yes, I ate it.  Yes, I had to go play basketball for three hours the next day to work it off.  And by it, I mean just the dessert.

Initially, I would be inclined to say that Cuchi Cuchi would be a great location for a date, though the courtesan waitresses offer far too much eye candy that might distract from your date, so perhaps it is not a good location.  So, I would recommend it as a date, as long as you are secure that your relationship could handle the possibility of wandering eye.  The food at Cuchi Cuchi is very rich and delicious, and provides ample evidence to explain how vegetarians can be fat.  However, there are limited vegan options, which I guess is appropriate considering veganism is the antithesis of extravagance, which is the ethos of Cuchi Cuchi.  So, for that, I’ll have to dock it a few points.  Overall, the food was good, there were plenty of vegetarian options, and the atmosphere was pleasant enough to overlook the pretense, so I’ll give Cuchi Cuchi four cheese sandwiches.

*I apologize if I cast unfair aspersions upon the owner, but there was something very fishy going on.

**While these interactions and the high rating may seem to suggest a conflict of interest, I guarantee that the rating has been completely unaffected by any personal interactions with the owner.  In fact, after leaving, I was completely snubbed by both Fernanda and my uncle.

Cuchi Cuchi
795 Main Street
Cambridge, MA 02139 
(617) 864-2929