One of the great perks of having family is a family funded meal at a fancy restaurant.  My uncle notoriously takes his family to really nice restaurants, and every once in a while I get to tag along.  My mother was in town, and she loves Italian food, so my uncle took all of us out to Pazzo, an Italian restaurant in Back Bay.

You are not dining at an Italian restaurant unless you get some quality pain gratis with olive oil dipping sauce.  This was pretty standard fare and nothing to get too excited about.  This makes me wonder: have we reached the tipping point for pain gratis???

My mother ordered the beet carpaccio, thinly sliced pieces of golden and red beets topped with arugula, goats cheese, and drizzled with basalmic vinegar.  This was an interesting variation of beef carpaccio, and it was a really pleasant salad, the bitter arugula contrasted nicely with the sweet beets and the tart goat cheese/vinegar.  I really enjoyed this appetizer.

I ordered the Sicilian arancine, which were refreshingly vegetarian.  From my experience almost all Italian restaurants that serve arancini (or rice balls) stuff them with meat and cheese.  These were just cheese, and served with a saffron cream sauce.  It was a little too sweet for my liking and definitely could have used some tartness to contrast the bland fried rice and mozzarella ball.

We also ordered the warm spinach and goat cheese salad (there were 8 of us there, I’m not a glutton).  You can’t really go wrong with fried goat cheese and spinach.  Like the beet carpaccio it was a good combination of sweet and tart (which is part of the reason I didn’t really like the arancini).  Unfortunately, this is not really a dish meant for sharing, as there is limited amounts of fried goat cheese, and maximal amounts of spinach.

Finally the entrees come out (I say finally because this review seems interminable, not because it actually took very long).  I ordered the pumpkin ravioli, because ravioli is my favorite format for pumpkin, and I love ravioli.  It was served with some spinach, but was still a little too sweet for my liking.

In contrast, the eggplant parmesan was very bitter, the sauce was very sour, though it was doused with mammoth amounts of cheese.  I wasn’t a very big fan of this dish.

I did like the gnocchi however, it was quite light, though my uncle thought it was doughy.  Normally gnocchi is very heavy, but I ate all six dumplings easily and didn’t feel too heavy.  The kale and tomato garlic sauce was quite a tasty accompaniment.

My cousin ordered the potato and cheese pizza, though I don’t know why.  I’m not really a big fan of potato pizzas, as I find them very bland and uninteresting.  This pizza looks as boring as it tasted.

If you didn’t think I’d be full from all the other food, I somehow managed to find some room for tiramasu (there’s always room for tiramasu).  If this was made in-house, it was not very good, and tasted as if it was made in a central location and delivered to the restaurant.

While I love Italian food, and find that Italian restaurants are pretty vegetarian (though not necessarily vegan) friendly, I find that most Italian restaurants are not very good.  They usually are very expensive and their menus are pretty unimaginative or uninteresting.  Pazzo falls victim to this common concern, as most of the dishes I had (outside of the beet carpaccio which was amazing) were tastier at other Italian restaurants I’ve been to.  And considering the fact that we sampled almost every vegetarian entree, I think I have a pretty good idea of what Pazzo’s has to offer.  It’s pretty good food, but vastly overpriced.  If you ever feel like getting just one dish from a restaurant, I suggest coming to Pazzo’s just for the beet carpaccio, because it’s great.  Everything else, is così-così. So, I’ll give it 3 and a half cheese sandwiches.

Pazzo
269 Newbury Street
Boston, MA 02116 
(617) 267-2996

One of the great cliches of the sandwich industry is naming sandwiches after someone famous.  I don’t really know a better way of operating, but you definitely get a sense of a restaurant based upon how they name their sandwiches.  A place that has a “portobello wrap”, “grilled cheese”, and “eggplant parmesan” will usually be a straight-forward no-frills type of place.  However, a place that has the Paganini, the Burt Bacharach and the Sgt. York may or may not have better sandwiches, but they will definitely charge you more (likely because they have to pay for their copyright violations).  Nick Varano’s Famous Deli definitely fits into the latter section of sandwich shops.  If you didn’t think the North End was overpriced enough, Nick Varano’s decided to associate all of the sandwich with local and national celebrities ranging from Eddie Andelman to Dom DeLuise.

I decided to order the eggplant parmesan (because that was the only vegetarian option on the menu), which coincidentally was Frankie D’s favorite!  Frankie D was apparently a famous tattoo artist who died (hopefully not from the eggplant parmesan).  I wonder if this sandwich was his favorite because Frankie D was also vegetarian.  Because if you want a non-eggplant parmesan sandwich here, you will not be able to get anything.

The eggplant parmesant was pretty tasty (if slightly greasy); I enjoyed the San Marzano tomatoes and the focaccia was quite tasty (despite not being made on-site).  But for over $10, I wouldn’t recommend it.  For having a lack of options as well as being overpriced, I’m giving Nick Varano’s Famous Deli two cheese sandwiches.  Maybe next time they could add a hummus wrap (“Natalie Portman’s Preferred Choice!”) or portobello melt (“Moby’s favorite!”).

Nick Varano’s Famous Deli
66 Cross Street
Boston, MA 02113-2314 
(617) 391-0050

My uncle in New Bedford invited me down for the weekend as his sister-in-law’s family was coming down as well, and he thought it would be a good idea to flood New Bedford with Indians.  Ironically that was the way Moby Dick started…  Anyway, as most of the places we went to I’ve already been, we finally ended up trying a new place called the Candleworks in downtown New Bedford.  The Candleworks Restaurant was a former candle factory, and is a building that has been in New Bedford since the 1900’s (It’s funny that saying “early 20th century” doesn’t feel very long ago).

The Candleworks is a typical New Bedford restaurant, mostly surf and turf, with very limited vegetarian options.  The bread is a rubbery Italian style bread, and is served with olive oil/parmesan dipping sauce that provides some flavor.  I think we’ve reached the point as a society where we expect dipping sauce with bread, to the point that people spend less time making good bread, and more time on the dipping sauce.

I ordered as an appetizer the mushroom duxelles, which was stuffed mushroom caps filled with a mushroom puree, hazelnuts and garlic.  The mushrooms were pretty good, though they used the typical white mushrooms that have the least flavor, so I was pretty underwhelmed.

My uncle’s sister-in-law got the hummus plate (as the other vegetarian in the group), and that too was pretty average.  I sort of annoys me that people charge $7 for a plate of pureed chickpeas with fried pita chips.  Oh, I’m sorry, they put a few slices of roasted red peppers…

The salad that came with my entree.  A picture is worth a thousand words, but a thousand words would be indulgent to describe this salad.  It’s a salad.  Description done.

I ordered the penne alla vodka, which came with a medley of vegetables.  I can’t imagine the conversation involved in coming up with the menus:

“Hey, we forgot to make a vegetarian entree!”

“Crap!  What do vegetarians eat?”

“Bread?  Pasta?”

“Ok, let’s make a penne alla vodka!”

“Yeah, let’s throw in a bunch of vegetables too, because that’s what those people like!”

“But don’t you think that the vegetable flavors might convolute the vodka flavor?”

“Whatever, nobody’s gonna order that anyway.”

“Agreed!  Let’s go get drunk and tell racist jokes!”*

Despite the fact that I was full from all of those unsatisfying calories in this meal, my uncle conned me into ordering dessert, because he wanted to hang around for the song and dance.  Every friday night, there is a Neil Diamond impersonator (or possibly Neil Diamond) who sings songs for 70 year old men to dance with 50 year old women.  Apparently the Candleworks is a Wine Bar for older people (Wine Bars are places where 50 year old men pick up 30 year old women).  I ended up ordering a mint oreo cheesecake, which was thoroughly disappointing.  From my experience, no matter how awful the seafood or steakhouse is, the desert is usually pretty good.  But at Candleworks, even the dessert is pretty awful.

Overall, the food quality at Candleworks is pretty bad, and it is in a dank pit atmosphere.  I would only recommend coming here if you like singing sea shanties to very old people. But be warned, you may be player hating, so don’t talk to any couples.  There is very little for vegetarians, one pasta dish (penne alla vodka) that’s suitable for vegetarians, and a vegan penne with vegetables (no cream sauce, just vegetables).  Both of which are overcooked and terrible.  So, I’ll give Candleworks one and a half cheese sandwich, the only merit being the possibility of seeing the best Neil Diamond impersonator (Neil Diamond) ever.

*I’m not implying that the owners of Candleworks are racist.  I’m not even saying that chefs who don’t make vegetarian entrees are racist. I’m just saying that people who hate vegetarians are probably filled with so much hate that they MIGHT be racist too.  Vegetarians are filled with too much self-satisfaction to hate.

Candleworks Restaurant
72 N Water St # 4 
New Bedford, MA 02740-6264 
(508) 997-1294

My mother came into town for her spring break, so I’ve been on a temporary hiatus from reviewing restaurants as I have been eating loads of home cooking (and home-cooked leftovers).  I thought I’d pay her back (as best I could with my meagre salary) and take her out someplace nice.  We ended up going to Upstairs in the Square in Harvard Square, which is one of the most convoluted restaurants I’ve ever been to (and that includes Vapiano).  There are multiple different dining rooms, each with a similar, yet slightly different menu.  We started on the first floor, and told the hostess we were mostly vegetarian, so she said “You should try the Supper Club menu, there is a vegetarian prix fixe.”  So, we decided to climb up to the top level which was decorated like an Alice in Wonderland tea party.

We actually ended up not ordering the vegetarian prix fixe which was a 5 or 7 course meal for 50-70 dollars (depending on how many dishes you wanted).  Funnily enough, most of the dishes on the prix fixe were available à la carte, so we decided to split a few entrées and appetizers.  The free bread (pain gratis, if you prefer pretense) was tasty despite being sourdough.  I don’t like sourdough, but I do like free bread, so I’ll say the bread made me morally conflicted.

Our waiter told us that he really liked us, so he had the chef make us some cheese gougères, which were basically fried cheese puffs.  They were quite fantastic, and we were really excited to get these for free.  That was until we saw our waiter say the exact same thing to another table.  That actually broke my heart almost as much as my last girlfriend, because you expect that from someone you are involved with emotionally, but not a waiter!  He even invited us to come visit him in Brazil during the World Cup in 2014!

After that, we tried to salvage the dining experience despite that overt betrayal.  Fortunately, my mother’s Jerusalem artichoke soup was phenomenal, with bits of sorrel and black trumpet dried mushrooms providing texture contrasts to the perfectly salted and flavoured soup.  I am not a big fan of soups, but even I was impressed by this soup.

I ordered the roasted beet salad with horseradish panna cotta, which was a phenomenal dish.  The sweetness of the beets paired with the sinus-clearing flavor of the horseradish was an intriguingly tasty pairing.  I could eat this all day.

Unfortunately, there was only one entree for the three vegetarians, which was mixed winter root vegetables with gnocchi.  Almost all other gnocchi dishes that I have ever had were very heavy and filling, this dish was magically light.  It was minimally salted, and the contrasting flavors of brussel sprouts, carrots, parsnips, mushrooms and chestnuts with pesto created a delightfully tasty broth remaining after the dish was finished.

At this point I was pretty full, but we had to order dessert.  My cousin ordered churros with chocolate syrup and cinnamon ice cream which was phenomenal.  Each item (churros, syrup, ice cream) would have been delicious on their own, but in combination were amazing.

I ordered the gateau noisette, a hazelnut mousse torte with hazelnut butter cream and hazelnut ice cream.  It was a little too hazelnutty for my liking, and I like hazelnut.  At this point I wished I had gotten the churros instead.  Apologies for the blurriness.  At this point I was approaching a diabetic coma.

My mother ordered the chocolate pecan turtles, which were chocolate covered pecans with a brown sugar caramel.  These were very tasty, but ludicrously sweet, to the point that I could only eat a half of one (okay, maybe one and a half) of the three turtles.

Upstairs in the Square in my opinion is a little pricey, but definitely worth going if you want to experience fine dining.  The service is very friendly (perhaps too friendly – don’t get emotionally attached to your waiter, they’ll break your heart).  I know I gave a glowing review of Rialto, but I would say that Upstairs in the Square is better than Rialto.  There are not a lot of vegan options (the gnocchi had egg, the soup and salad all had dairy), so for that I can’t give them five cheese sandwiches.  But I will give them four and a half cheese sandwiches.

Upstairs in the Square
91 Winthrop Street
Cambridge, MA 02138 
(617) 864-1933

Considering the wealth of Indians living in the Boston area, you’d expect there to be at least one decent Indian restaurant.  So far in my travels, I have been to every “great” Indian restaurant as deemed by such established food reviewers as the Boston Phoenix, Weekly Dig, and Improper Bostonian (based upon their yearly “Best of” issues).  However, not one restaurant recommended was very good or authentic Indian food.  Kenny, who is Indian, told me that the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (a.k.a. Hare Krishnas: the hippie white people dressed as if they were Indian) has a bi-weekly prayer service followed by a free vegetarian meal.  So, I decided to try out the Hare Krishna Temple to see how good the food there was.

I ended up going with Kenny, who wanted to go early to get a decent spot to sit down during the prayer service.  I don’t know if he’s very religious, I don’t believe in organized religion, so I don’t really subscribe to things like prayer service.  But if you’ve never been to a Hare Krishna temple, it’s an experience to be had.  Your first question is probably “Do I need to be Indian to go to this temple?”  No, there were plenty of non-Indian people there (white, black, non-descript ethnicities even!), so you’ll feel welcome.  Second, everyone is very friendly (as is the case with most churches/temples/synagogues I’ve been to), so you won’t feel weird being there.  But do expect a lot of singing and dancing for 45 min to an hour.  People really got into the music, there was a circle dance and conga line formed (of sorts), so expect a lot of fervor.  If you want, you can just stand in the back quietly and cross your arms over your chest (or even clap if you feel so inclined).

After the service, a line forms up front to get the food, and it is served out by a group of mostly women that cook every week.  The food is all fresh, fairly hot (they probably have to reheat it just before serving), and really tasty.  I am told by Kenny that the menu changes every time, and on this occasion I got a plate of rice, kasseri (a cream of wheat Indian dessert), pakora, potato and paneer curry (not very spicy), and tamarind sauce.  In theory these meals could be vegan, but they are not because it is obvious that they use a lot of ghee (clarified butter) in cooking.

You also get a small cup of rice pudding (payasum), which I normally don’t like, but they used really rich cream to make this payasum, which made it amazing.

Ultimately, the food at the Hare Krishna temple is without a doubt the best Indian food I’ve ever had in Boston.  For one, it’s free, although you do have to sit through a prayer service to get it.  Actually, you technically don’t have to come for the prayer service, you can just show up an hour after the service begins and get in line for the food.  But if you might feel weird coming to the prayer service, you’ll probably also feel weird just showing up and taking the free food.  I equate the food at the Hare Krishna temple to going to an Indian friend’s house for food.  If you just showed up and ask for a meal, they’ll probably cook one for you, regardless of your relationship (Indians are the most hospitable of all peoples in my opinion).  But it’ll be awkward unless you bring something or do something in return for it.

I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to convert people to Hare Krishna, I would do the same review if a mosque, synagogue, or church had a free meal that was equally amazing after a service.  I believe that religion is something that is best kept to oneself, but a delicious free meal is something that you should tell the whole world about!  But please, don’t exploit this opportunity to the point that they have to start charging for the meal.  I give the Hare Krishna four and a half cheese sandwiches (can’t give five because they are not vegan friendly).

ISKCON Boston
72 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, MA 02116 
(617) 247-8611