My friend Hakeem has been raving for weeks about “Russian Nights” at the Bryant Park Hotel as if it were some orgy of Russian supermodels.  And, like any warm-blooded male, I couldn’t turn down the possibility of an “orgy of supermodels”.  The downside of going to a place that has supermodel orgies is that I am too ugly and/or dress too poorly to go to such places unless I go as soon as the night starts (i.e. 9:30 pm, before the hot people show up).  So, by the time the supermodel orgy starts, I’m too tired, and I go home to sleep.  Nevertheless, Hakeem, Chamique, Hakeem’s cousin Fonseca and I decided to go somewhere nearby for dinner prior to Russian nights.  We had to go nearby because Chamique and Fonseca were wearing heels, and they refused to walk far in the heels*, and we were confined to a two block radius around Bryant Park to find somewhere to eat for dinner.  After wandering around all four square blocks, we stumbled on The Shop, across from Sean John (Hakeem’s favorite perfumier) and part of the Hyatt Hotel on Bryant Park.

At first we weren’t sure if The Shop was actually a restaurant, as we walked in, and there was nobody dining (a bad sign for any restaurant on a Friday night).  I think we were not alone, as there was no obvious door to get into the shop – we had to search Indiana Jones style (without the numerous insects) to find out how to get into the place.  Eventually we found our way in, and were greeted by a inordinately unfriendly waitress who pointed to a table and told us to sit there.

There were not a lot of vegetarian options at The Shop, despite its ethos being “serving locally grown produce and farm-raised animals”.  I don’t understand how you can claim to be “locavore” and not emphasize vegetables!  The dishes on the menu are split between “small plates” and “large plates”, and unfortunately, most of the vegetarian dishes are on the small plates half.  So, if you want a real vegetarian meal, you’ll have to shell out more because you have to get multiple small plates to satisfy a normal meal portion.

I ended up getting the butterbeans with olives and achiote, which is a type of seasoning/basically a tomato sauce.  When I asked the waitress what it was, she said “It’s just an herb”.  She was already annoyed at my vegetarianism before I even started ordering.  Regardless, the beans were quite tasty and very filling on their own, despite being more of a side dish than a meal.  Although, I am spurious as to how “local” olives can be in New York.

I also ordered a potato frittata, which was good, if but a little burned. I’m guessing since I got a slice of frittata, I was just eating reheated fritatta.  Beyond the burn marks, it was quite light and tasty, and it was nice to get some arugula with it (which was not listed in the menu), just so I could say I got real vegetables for dinner.

It was very frustrating to go to a place that emphasized locavorism, yet did not appear to realize that a central tenet of locavorism is a balance between vegetables and meat, skewed heavily in the direction towards produce (read any Michael Pollen or Mark Bittman book if you doubt).  There was one “large plate” dish that was “J. Glebocki Farms vegetables, squash, onions, potatoes and turmeric”.  When Chamique asked what the seasonal vegetables were, the waitress said “what it says on the menu”.  Chamique found this unappetizing, so she ended up getting the pot roast.  However, it turns out that the J. Glebocki Farms vegetables included eggplant, zucchini, and spinach and even I would have ordered that if I knew those were going to be served.  Which makes sense because if a dish is squash, onions, potatoes and turmeric, it cannot be considered to have vegetables, as potato isn’t a vegetable, neither is onion or turmeric (“it’s just an herb”**).  So, the waitress essentially discouraged her (and me) from getting a vegetarian meal because she was too snooty to actually learn what the place she worked at served.  Because of this complete fiasco, I have to give The Shop one cheese sandwich.  I would have given it two, out of the fact that the menu had a few vegetarian options.  But, I recently noticed the new winter menu has literally nothing vegetarian on offer (except for a soup and salad - $16 bucks).  So, one cheese sandwich.  And if you’re interested, Russian Nights are much more “Nights” than they are “Russian” (let alone “supermodel orgy”).

*I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t ever wear heels after that last time my feet got so blistered…

**I am aware that turmeric is not an herb.  I was just calling back to that phrase out of pure irritation.

The Shop
485 5th Avenue
New York, NY 10017 
(212) 601-1234

I have gone around the world and have sampled almost every variant of the cheese sandwich known to man, but one variant I have never discussed is the Italian cheese sandwich.  No… Not, pizza. I refer instead to piadina, the Italian flatbread sandwich which comes from the Romagna region of Italy (also famous for parmesan cheese, basalmic vinegar, and spaghetti bolognese).  My friend Hakeem is from this region, so he decided to take me to Piada, a small sandwicherie in Lower East Side of Manhattan.

I ended up ordering the piadina with mozzarella, roasted red pepper, and zucchini, a very simple yet delectable treat.  It’s arguable whether this is a true cheese sandwich, but it is definitely a good cheese sandwich.  One of the great things about Italian food is its simplicity, and while it would be tempting to put some kind of pesto sauce or roasted garlic hummus, it would do nothing but ruin the taste of the sandwich.  I am a firm believer in the philosophy of “more is less”, when I’m not believing in the post-structuralism.

I am told by Hakeem that they do not make the flatbread in house, but they do import it directly from Italy, and it is the quality of flatbread that makes the sandwich so great.  It is a little pricey for what they offer, and they have a very limited vegetarian selection, so I can’t give it much more than three cheese sandwiches.  If you don’t mind shelling out a little more for a sandwich, Piada is a good option to try when you’re in the Lower East Side.

Piada
3 Clinton Street
New York, NY 10002 
(212) 677-5415

Anybody that knows me well knows that I cannot say “no” to a donut.  And that I spell doughnuts “donuts”.  Hakeem told me about a place that he reviewed for a website that he writes for (which I have also guest-contributed) called Nuok.com.  If you want to read Hakeem’s novice attempt at restaurant criticism, go here.  But if you want the real scoop about the Italian donuttiere - Bomboloni, continue reading my intrepid followers!

Bomboloni is the Italian version of a custard filled donut, and Bomboloni the restaurant is the Italian attempt to chime in on the nascent donut trend sweeping the nation*.  I apologize to what few vegan readers I have, as bomboloni and doughnuts by definition are not vegan, so maybe you can read more about my trip to Blossom erstwhile.  Nevertheless, after a long day of strolling the streets of New York, Hakeem and I had a hankering for something sweet.  Now, we had far more common sense than the 45 people waiting in line for Magnolia Bakery, so we went to Bomboloni to try out the donuts that he recently reviewed for Nuok.com. 

I ordered a pistachio bomboloni, which I devoured immediately, barely savoring any pistachio-custard-filled morsel.  Despite purchasing them late in the day, the donuts were still very fresh-tasting, probably biased by the quality of the custard filling.  Hakeem also had the bright idea that we buy a few more donuts to eat the next morning for breakfast, and I could not even muster a response to such a brilliant suggestion beyond “Sounds good.”

The next morning, I looked forward to trying out my gianduja donut and my tiramisu donut.  The tiramisu donut was topped with a chocolate wafer, which after a night sitting out was quite soggy. The donut was not as good as it could have been, but still 100X better than any Dunkin’ Donuts donut, which leads me to wonder just what exactly they are doing to their donuts to make them so bad.  The tiramasu filling was sort of a rummy chocolate flavor, and was pretty average especially when compared to the pistachio from yesterday.

The gianduja also had a pleasant dark chocolate flavor, and surprisingly, I preferred this to the tiramasu (I’m sure regular readers are familiar with my stance on tiramasu).  However, the chocolate was much darker, which I appreciate, so I like to think that I was at least getting some anti-oxidants from this donut.

The donuts at Bomboloni are fantastic, and the best part is, you can still get a good selection late in the afternoon.  This is one of those special New York places that not everyone has found out about, so it’s not been ruined like Magnolia.  I know I continually deride places like Magnolia, but I actually like it as a bakery.  I just don’t think it’s 45 min wait good.  Bomboloni is another such place - it’s great as long as you don’t have to wait in line (which we didn’t).  Because of that, I’ll give it four cheese sandwiches for making a great donut.

*I’m predicting that there is a donut trend that will finally eradicate the stupid cupcake trend that has already destroyed so many lives the last few years, and restore some balance to the universe.

Bomboloni
187 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY 10023-5103 
(212) 877-3080

It’s rare that I actually eat at an actual vegetarian restaurant (as in a restaurant that only makes vegetarian dishes).  This is primarily because there are so few restaurants that only serve vegetarian food, and most vegetarian restaurants are a little to “granola” for my liking.  I try to avoid any place that serves flax and wheat germ-based dishes.  Nevertheless, Hakeem and Chamique decided to take me to Blossom, a vegan restaurant in the Chelsea neighborhood.  Blossom is a very well known vegetarian restaurant, and has won numerous awards for being “best vegetarian” restaurant. So, I feel I should point out that I don’t really believe in “vegetarian” restaurants, because I feel vegetarian dishes should be integrated into every menu.  So, in that sense, vegetarian restaurants just promote culinary segregation, which I find morally objectionable.  But as I am usually morally opposed to 95% of the restaurants I eat at, I decided to quell my conviction and just eat.

I don’t know what possessed Hakeem and Chamique to take me there, as they and their family are all hardcore carnivores (hardcornivores?).  But it is nice to be able to go someplace and ask to share food (that is not an Indian restaurant) with them.  It just makes the dining experience that much more familiar.

We started off with seitan empanadas, which were quite tasty, though I didn’t really taste the seitan very much, and the empanadas were so tiny, that I don’t know how they were able to fit the seitan in there.  The guacamole was also pretty average, and the saffron aioli was barely noticeable.

I ordered the cape cod cakes, because I used to love crab cakes back when I ate meat.  I was also intrigued to try cakes of seaweed and tofu.  Despite the paltry seaweed allocation within the cake, it was actually really nice.

The highlight of the appetizers was the parsnip cappelletti – giant raviolis filled with parsnip and potatoes.  While they were a little overcooked and rubbery, the shiitake mushrooms that topped them in truffle oil was absolutely amazing.

Chamique had the daily special, which was an artichoke and peas rissotto, topped with sundried tomatoes.  It was ok, but would have been much better if they put cheese – a risotto without cheese is basically just fried rice (technically even with cheese it is fried rice, but I digress).

Hakeem had the port wine seitan, a vegan variant of roast beef and yorkshire pudding.  It was actually quite tasty, especially with the port wine sauce and mushrooms.  Hakeem was slightly annoyed by this dish because I think he really wanted beef instead of seitan, but I think deep down he liked it a little.

I ordered the feijoadinha with smoked tempeh, a brazilian rice and beans dish.  I am normally not a fan of tempeh, but in this instance it just worked really well.  The rice, black beans, chayote squash (any dish with chayote for me is an automatic winner), and fried sweet potato shavings on top were quite nice.  However, this version was really bland and uninspiring.  I’m not blaming the tempeh, but it would’ve been nice to have it a little spicier than how they made it.  I’m sure it would be much spicier at a Brazilian restaurant (and more authentic), but I guess that’s the price I pay to get tempeh instead of beef or chicken (which would probably be more authentic).

To cap off the evening, Hakeem and I shared a chocolate ganache cake.  Every vegan dessert I’ve every had was quite pleasant (including this one), but they’re all usually a little too gooey for my liking.  The chocolate ganache combined well with the “ice cream”, making it a little lighter, but on its own, the cake was just too heavy for my liking.

While I think Blossom does a pretty good job to make meat eaters enjoy their meals there, I just don’t like the concept of vegetarians or vegans having to go to a place like this for a meal.  Why can’t there be a vegetarian dish at any restaurant like the ones you get at Blossom?  And part of the reason meat eaters hate vegetarians/vegans is the attempts to meatify meals by using seitan, tofu, or tempeh instead of actual meat.  When I eat vegetarian food in India, the focus is not on the meat or fake meat, but instead on the vegetables.  And vegetables have way more flavor than any meat, so why not make interesting vegetarian dishes rather than poor man’s versions of meat dishes replacing real meat with fake meat?  There was an interesting rigatoni dish with leeks and rabe, as well as a phyllo roulade that we didn’t order, and I feel it’s dishes like these that should be on offer, not tofu steaks and seitan scaloppini.  On its own food merits, I’ll give Blossom four cheese sandwiches, as they do a good job making tasty vegan dishes that may even convince a meat eater that they don’t have to eat meat at every meal.  And that’s like half the battle.

Blossom Vegan Restaurant and Cafe
187 9th Avenue
New York, NY 10011 
(212) 627-1144

Brunch in New York is a curious phenomenon, as it appears that city denizens (citizens?) cannot operate over the weekend without having brunch and discussing the stupid drunken tomfoolery they performed the previous night. Because I’m always staying with Hakeem and Chamique as a married couple, the tomfoolery discussions are quite mundane. Although there was one time… Nope… I don’t want to get Hakeem in trouble. We recently decided to try out a place called La Bonne Soupe, because I needed to go to the Indian embassy (no, not because I’m getting deported!), which was nearby.

Unfortunately, there are not a lot of good places for brunch near the embassy, and La Bonne Soupe was the closest we could find that would please both Hakeem, Chamique, and myself. Anytime you go to a French restaurant, it is fair to expect the most delicious bread you’ve ever had. And, if the bread is very stale and inedible, it would also be fair to say that it is an abomination to serve such terrible food. I was shocked and appalled at just how terrible the bread was at La Bonne Soupe, especially considering the name of the restaurant. You can’t serve soup without bread, and the fact that the bread is so bad would indicate the soup is not so “bonne”. But, fortunately I didn’t have the soup.

Instead, I had a ratatouille omelet, an intriguing concept, as I have always wondered, “Is it possible to have something as delicious as ratatouille, but with more animal protein?” And after many years of failed experiments on my part, La Bonne Soupe has accomplished this herculean feat. Unfortunately, whenever I make ratatouille (I’ve never actually eaten ratatouille anywhere other than home), I always like dumping some cheese on top. And, anytime I eat eggs, I always like dumping some cheese on top. However, this ratatouille omelet excludes the possibility of cheese! So, while I must commend La Bonne Soupe for combining ratatouille and eggs, I must ask, “At what cost?”

The omelet came with a salad, which incidentally was the highlight of the meal (that and the ratatouille within the omelet was pretty tasty also). The salad greens were pretty fresh, as were the tomatoes. Unfortunately there were drowned in dressing, which was slightly off-putting.

Overall, there is a very limited selection of food for vegetarians at La Bonne Soupe, as you would expect for any French restaurant. Unfortunately, they are unable to succeed in matching the quality of food you would expect to get at a French restaurant, which begs the question, “Why bother coming here?” In all honesty, I can’t provide a good reason, so, I’ll give La Bonne Soupe two cheese sandwiches.

La Bonne Soupe
48 W 55th St
New York, 10019 
(212) 586-7650