While I am a blogger, I really cannot stand the concept of “social media”, and it infuriates me that there are people whose job it is to maintain Facebook pages and twitter feeds.  I consider these jobs more non-jobs as they really don’t provide any useful good or service to better humanity (the inventors of the SlapChop have contributed more than these people).  I was invited to brunch by Hakeem for his friend for a surprise birthday brunch.  Hakeem’s friend works in “social media”, and all of the guests were social mediums*, and were instructed to not check in on Foursquare upon arrival.  This was going to be a long brunch.

The brunch was at Tavern on Jane, a place Hakeem took me once because they “have great burgers”.  Unfortunately, they don’t have anything for vegetarians, a couple of pasta dishes (where the pasta is vastly overcooked).  Nevertheless, we were dragged to Tavern on Jane for brunch, something that none of us were looking forward to.

I had a pretty good idea that this was going to be a painful brunch, when I noticed that everyone at the table had a smartphone.  More importantly, everyone had put their smartphone on the table, as if it were some sort of public competition.  I kept mine in my pocket (where it belonged), ashamed of the fact that I was even documenting this event for my blog.  If you want to play a fun game, see if you can spot all the cell phones on the table in this picture (some are hidden).  HINT: There are 6!  And that doesn’t include the other 5 cell phones of people who I couldn’t get into the shot.

I first took a picture of my 3-egg omelet (you have the option of filling it with any 3 of green peppers, onions, mushrooms or cheese), and the girl next to me says “Oh, are you on Foodspotting? What’s your screenname? I’ll follow you.”  I don’t know if she was trying to flirt with me, but if she was, it was not working.  The onion, mushroom, cheddar omelet came with homefries, and a fruit bowl.  I’m not a fruit fan, so I asked for no fruit, they didn’t decide to restructure the plate to compensate for the lack of fruit.  The omelet was pretty average, and the homefries were nothing spectacular.

The prix fixe (which the omelet was a part of) came with a bread basket of breads (mostly croissants and muffins).  I took a croissant, which didn’t appear to be fresh, and appeared to be brought in from some industrial croissant factory.

The muffin looked and tasted like the crappy muffins that you’d get in the bread section at your local grocery store.  I felt privileged that I got to spend $14 for the honor to eat a really mediocre, sub par meal.**

Overall, the food at Tavern on Jane is pretty terrible, and very unfriendly towards vegetarians (and vegans).  I couldn’t find anything to recommend about the place, unless you like dining in a dark pit (which could appear charming during the winter, but not as spring is approaching).  I am aware that the awful social network brunch may have tainted my experience, especially the argument that Hakeem and I got with one of the guys who worked for AOL where we asked “Why is there money to do what you do?”  He got very stuffy, and had some canned response which said “We’re really smart, because we have an answer to everything you asked.”  Actually no, you’re smart because you convinced people to pay you for a non-job.  I’ll give Tavern on Jane one cheese sandwich until they deem it necessary to cater to vegetarians or vegans, or even serve good food.

*I don’t know what you call someone who works in social media?  “Loser” seems a bit harsh.

**That sarcasm was brought to you by Irontweet (the Twitter service that only publishes ironic or sarcastic tweets).

Tavern on Jane
31 8th Avenue
New York, NY 10014-5156 
(212) 675-2526