If you think that eating a farm-style omelet with a side of potatoes is a classic hipster brunch, then you obviously have never been on a farm.  Nor have you ever been to Bob Evans, a chain diner that has been specializing in breakfast for over 50 years.  It was originally founded in Columbus, OH - not too far from my dad’s place in Dayton, yet it might as well have been founded on Mars for the amount of difference between a Bob Evans franchise and the original.

Ironically, Bob Evans became popular for their sausages, which were considered to be the best around the Ohio area, which is strange that two vegetarian Indians would go there for breakfast.  In general, if you’re not a lacto-ovo-vegetarian, breakfast is not a good meal for you at most restaurants.  Bob Evans is a perfect example of this.  I was able to order a garden harvest omelet, which was monterey jack cheese, spinach tomatoes, onions and zucchini topped with a hollandaise sauce and a side of homefries.  The homefries weren’t quite fully unfrozen, so they weren’t particularly great, and the hollandaise sauce was an excess that I could not abide by.  There is a reason why Americans are so fat.  An omelet is an acceptable breakfast starter, but dousing it in a creamy egg yolk/butter sauce is ludicrous! 

To counteract my 4000 calorie breakfast, my dad just ordered two biscuits.  He has a very curious ordering habit.  At buffets (which he loves), he goes crazy and eats a ton of food, but at real sit-down restaurants (if that’s what you could call Bob Evans), he orders a side that is barely fit for an anorexic teenage girl.  The biscuits were pretty standard fare, that were obviously generically made and reheated on-site.

The coup de grace - my toast.  Now, you’ll say “Cheese sandwich guy, how could they possible screw up toast???”  Here’s how.  You may notice the bright yellow substance that is coated the lightly toasted substance that they call bread?  Well, you’re probably thinking that that is butter.  Turns out a) it’s margarine and b) that margarine is derived from a chemical waste dump in China.  I didn’t quite measure the melamine quantity in this specimen, but I’m pretty sure it’s above the toxic level for a small child.

There are a lot of crappy generic chain diners across America, and Bob Evans is probably the worst of them, which is saying a lot.  I once went to a T&A (another diner chain associated with gas stations - though not affiliated with Hustler or Playboy, surprisingly), and pretty much observed 1950’s-style racism in the kitchen there.  No racism (overtly) at this Bob Evans, but the quality of food here is far inferior to what I could get, even at a racist T&A.  So, I’ll give Bob Evans one cheese sandwich.

Bob Evans
220 Byers Road
Miamisburg, OH 45342-3615 
(937) 866-4222