One of the great cliches of the sandwich industry is naming sandwiches after someone famous.  I don’t really know a better way of operating, but you definitely get a sense of a restaurant based upon how they name their sandwiches.  A place that has a “portobello wrap”, “grilled cheese”, and “eggplant parmesan” will usually be a straight-forward no-frills type of place.  However, a place that has the Paganini, the Burt Bacharach and the Sgt. York may or may not have better sandwiches, but they will definitely charge you more (likely because they have to pay for their copyright violations).  Nick Varano’s Famous Deli definitely fits into the latter section of sandwich shops.  If you didn’t think the North End was overpriced enough, Nick Varano’s decided to associate all of the sandwich with local and national celebrities ranging from Eddie Andelman to Dom DeLuise.

I decided to order the eggplant parmesan (because that was the only vegetarian option on the menu), which coincidentally was Frankie D’s favorite!  Frankie D was apparently a famous tattoo artist who died (hopefully not from the eggplant parmesan).  I wonder if this sandwich was his favorite because Frankie D was also vegetarian.  Because if you want a non-eggplant parmesan sandwich here, you will not be able to get anything.

The eggplant parmesant was pretty tasty (if slightly greasy); I enjoyed the San Marzano tomatoes and the focaccia was quite tasty (despite not being made on-site).  But for over $10, I wouldn’t recommend it.  For having a lack of options as well as being overpriced, I’m giving Nick Varano’s Famous Deli two cheese sandwiches.  Maybe next time they could add a hummus wrap (“Natalie Portman’s Preferred Choice!”) or portobello melt (“Moby’s favorite!”).

Nick Varano’s Famous Deli
66 Cross Street
Boston, MA 02113-2314 
(617) 391-0050

If I had to describe what kind of culinary tradition Boston has, it would be a sandwich city.  While Philadelphia may be more noted for its sandwich, Bostonians pride themselves on the sandwich, as evidenced by the sheer number of sandwich eateries in the area, and the many different types of sandwiches created.  Darwin’s Ltd. is one of the most famous sandwich makers in Harvard Square (I may be tipping my hand by this unglowing praise).

I ended up ordering a Lakeview (tabbouleh, hummus, green peppers, tomatoes, alfalfa, cucumber, red onion, carrots, and herb vinaigrette).  The theme of Darwin’s Ltd. is naming sandwiches after local streets/attractions/people.  The Lakeview is one of two vegetarian/vegan sandwiches, the other being the Hubbard Park (Hummus, Avocado, Apple, Carrots, Tomato, Sprouts & Honey Mustard - cheese can be added for 50 cents).  The Lakeview seemed the most appetizing at the time, and it was quite tasty, though very bland and boring.  A great sandwich really makes you appreciate the beauty of simplicity.  This sandwich just left me wondering why I paid so much for a sandwich.

I can’t believe that a Cambridge-based sandwich shop is able to get away with 2 vegetarian (3 if you eat egg salad) sandwiches out of 18 possible options.  Admittedly, both vegetarian sandwiches are also suitable for our vegan friends (we are friends, right?).  But considering how Harvard Square is one of Boston’s vegetarian ghettos, you’d think at least 30% of the sandwiches should be vegetarian.  Also, all the sandwiches are made cold, which makes me wonder what exactly is the point of paying almost $7 for a sandwich that requires little to no effort to make?  I don’t understand why there is a buzz around Darwin’s Ltd., as it is always crowded when I walk by.  But their sandwiches are average, and their selection is terrible. For that, I can only give them two cheese sandwiches.

Darwin’s Ltd.
148 Mount Auburn St
Cambridge, MA 02138-5733 
(617) 354-5233

I’ve never really understood the whole “celebrity chef” phenomenon.  Why people should be regaled just because they make food slightly better than most other people is beyond me.  And yes, I am aware that the purpose of this blog is to regale chefs that make food slightly better than other chefs.  But after watching Amadeus and toiling in obscurity for most of my life, I find it objectionable to just thrust glory on people that probably don’t deserve it (Anthony Bourdain and Gordon Ramsey are despicable people).  Despite this, I do actually like the concept behind Parish Cafe, a restaurant that specializes in sandwiches designed by celebrity chefs.

Apparently, the general trend for celebrity chefs is to make sandwiches with meat, as there are only two sandwiches that are vegetarian (none are vegan).  I decided to go with the Pudding Portobello, created by Debra Hughes of Upstairs in the Square, which includes portobello mushrooms, casa de roma cheese, onion marmalade, and a walnut pesto in focaccia.  This is a very simple and delicious sandwich, despite it being over $10, and it comes with a huge portion of white bean salad (which are really just lightly salted and lemoned white beans).

Part of the reason I don’t like celebrity chefs, is that there are very few celebrity chefs that specialize in vegetarian cuisine.  My annoying meat-eating cousin loves celebrity chefs and he always quotes some obnoxious chef that I don’t remember who said “being vegetarian is like painting with only 50% of a color palette.”  Which is fine, but I would love to see how tasty meat would taste without the benefits of vegetables.  Part of any business is accepting that the customer is right, which is why I’m always baffled by restaurants that refuse to acknowledge that some people are vegetarian.  This is especially true in celebrity chef-run establishments, which is why I don’t like celebrity chefs.

So, my bias against celebrity chefs aside, the portobello sandwich at Parish cafe was pretty good, not $12 good, but good nonetheless.  If I had a high paying day trader job, I would definitely consider coming here regularly, as that seemed to be the crowd that was dining there for lunch.  The offputting high price and lack of vegetarian options compels me to give Parish Cafe two and a half cheese sandwich.  Perhaps they can rotate the sandwich creations more often and have concepts created by more different chefs (perhaps including chefs that aren’t all obsessed with pork products)?

Parish Cafe
361 Boylston Street
Boston, MA 02116 
(617) 247-4777

Anybody that has ever had the misfortune of traveling via Frankfurt Airport will know that it is a barren wasteland that makes the Atacama Desert appear to be a tropical jungle. Terminal B is one of the few oases available to the bleary-eyed traveler, which has quite a few options including a McCafe and Goethe bar. Being a polymath myself, I decided to try out this seemingly pleasant location paying homage to the creator of Faust, which would be appropriate, since Terminal B is akin to a damnation.

For some reason, I am always hungry whenever I travel. So, I eat much more food than I normally would over a similar time frame. This is likely due to my body’s assault by millions of alien bacteria and viruses from my diseased fellow travelers. As my defense against these vicious foreign invaders (the bacteria and microbes, not the travelers), I usually eat a lot of food. In the last 8 hours prior to arrival in Frankfurt, I had eaten an airline dinner, a breakfast of a granola bar and some yoghurt, a sandwich from the Earl of Sandwich, and eggplant parmesan from Maggiano’s. The eggplant parmesan was enough to fill me up for that 8 hours alone, but clearly, I needed to prepare for battle. Upon arrival in Frankfurt at 5 in the morning, I was famished, tired (I was seated next to three women with babies that were crying the entire night and a flight attendant who thought it was really important to fix the curtain preventing me from seeing what people in rows 30-42 of economy were doing), and lost.

After wandering an hour through endless hallways without any sign of life, let alone a Hudson News, I finally found the entrance to Terminal B. I cleared security, and immediately searched for some sustenance. The only obviously vegetarian dish that seemed appealing was the caprese sandwich, which was actually pretty tasty. The pesto sauce appeared to come from a bottle, but it was a good bottle of pesto, not one of those disgustingly crappy Bertolli ones. Overall, the sandwich was hot, toasty and delicious. It proved that the Germans know how to make a good bread as well, though I must still give the superior nod to the Earl of Sandwich for superior sandwichery in an airport.

The last, but most important aspect of my breakfast was a caffe latte. Unfortunately, 33% of my cup was foam, and I effectively only had an espresso shot with very little milk (I believe that’s what the Italians call a moolatte…). At least the coffee was strong enough to last me two hours until I required another cup from McCafe to get me to my 9:30 AM flight. Overall, for a German bar in an airport, there are a fair number of food options at Goethe Bar. And they do have cool mugs, so for that I’ll give them three cheese sandwiches. But Frankfurt Airport gets one cheese sandwich for awfulness.

Goethe Bar
Frankfurt Airport (FRA)
60549 Frankfurt, Germany